So, I’ve seen myself as a feminist for quite a while. But, I don’t take it so seriously. And to me, that’s okay. If I can’t let other opposing thoughts sink in, I won’t know if what I’m being told to believe is actually worth believing. Plus, I miss believing in something for the sake of just… well, fun. When I began with my writings, and even with sex (even as far as masturbation), I felt like I had ridden through most of it with a very childlike attitude. Not so much immature… just imaginative, curious, both absorbent and rebellious.
The attitude now feels so serious, the jokes routine and pretentious. God! When did I need someone to tell me when a man has sexual harassed me? Swear this happened. I know a guy who I like to roughhouse with. He slaps my ass and gooses me but I don’t care because it’s fun. But she was so pissed that i would take that.
“It makes it okay for him to do it to somewhere else!” She crossed her arms at me. “What if he did that to another girl? Just cuz you like it mean she has to like it too?”
“So what if she does?” I crossed my arms. “Besides, doesn’t this woman have a backbone to speak up? Also, I’m a grown woman. If I want to get goosed inappropriately, then by God I’ll allow it!”
Course I wanted to keep the conversation light, but jeez she got so touchy! What? Did I fail women everywhere by not enforcing some strict PC code?
Must we always fling our noses in the air and not let out a laugh? Most of the jokesters I know are already gray-haired, and with amazing stories of course. But, as an intellectual I can say with confidence that many of us, at one point or another, are obnoxious dickwads too. And when we’re speaking on behalf of others who do need support, well… I don’t know. It’s hard to find people who aren’t too in love with themselves and the agendas they cling to.
I can’t stand talking to others about these same ideologies we share and just seeing them get so emotionally enthralled in the ideology itself and not where the conversation could lead… perhaps to the intertwining of two opposing arguments to form a new perspective. No, we cling so heavily to these belief systems – how things should be – that we often don’t pull back on the reins and step outside of our own convictions to sometimes understand another person’s version of the truth.
I don’t mind being wrong or made to understand a new idea if I think it’s worth a listen. Many ideas aren’t.
And this isn’t to call out anyone in particular. Really, it’s about what I’ve seen written and, whatever, in this day and age anyone can start a blog, write a book, and become a “sex”pert.
Look at me!
I know that within feminism there are arguments and controversial debates, especially ones that surround sex-related issues. For me, it’s frustrating to speak about these issues and not get into an argument. I’m not intimidated by this at all because, as some may know, I love a good fight! But, ugh… it’s the same arguments with a very predictable pro and con. Anti-porn feminists will continue to hate porn for the same reasons they’ve hated it since MacKinnon clucked (and people listened?), ignorant to the ever-changing dynamics in the adult industry. And they can do this because it is very easy; to find a broken soul in porn is like shooting fish in a barrel. But, it doesn’t push their movement forward. It didn’t then and it still doesn’t now. This is just an example, but I get the same feeling when other issues about sexuality.
Feminism is another label. It just is, like nihilism or chauvinism or any other -ism under this context. And it proves marginalizing. I remember when bell hooks spoke about marginalization as a source of control over those contained within their own identity. While an ideology can aim to self-define and empower, it also can blind the people who believe in it so much because, on some level, if you need to fight a “dominator” (a term I’ve seen used in her essays), then one needs to change themselves. And I don’t know how much feminism has changed to catch up to a new type of woman, someone who I don’t think would identify herself as a feminist. Maybe she’s acclimating to new trends, many of those trends sexual and salacious, or perhaps learning to tie both the lessons learned from her environment and the questionable opportunities that await her outside of that world she’s grown so accustomed to. The feminist woman is always breaking out of a box, including the one that feminism creates.
This isn’t to say we must eradicate ideologies altogether. I think a new definition can grow if we let it breathe as just a natural and inherent strength within all of us. To be a woman and have an opinion and say it out loud doesn’t have to make you a feminist. It makes you a citizen of the world and a participant in the exchange of ideas. Just because you sleep with men and have sexual relationships doesn’t have to make you a feminist either. You’re just a sexual lady. Me being a whore and a sex worker (both equally troubling identities/labels) doesn’t make me a feminist.
It’s like I’ve grown too big for my longtime favorite jacket? Feminism just doesn’t fit me now the way that it used to. It’s not bad or useless, just not needed right now. I can still exist in the world without it.
Once the basic premises of any ideology are set,it can’t change or adapt. Yes, that’s a cliched argument. But, oh so worse to be labeled a traitor to an ancient firebrand’s precepts than as a flip-flopper. Which is kind of a sexy term.
Really do appreciate your postings as well
Flip floppers and naysayers are so necessary! Perhaps they flip and flop about because they see something in an ideology that no one else sees because their mouths are so tightly clung around said ideology’s teat!
I agree to it’s rather sexy.
Thanks so much for your opinion! Let’s keep up the discussion
In my reply, I shall poist: After posting that first comment, I felt quite unsatasfied,because it was a bit floppy too. From my miniscule perspective of you life and position, the ideological judgement of Peer Groups seems to be low on the ladder. But, who was this woman who were sparring with initially in the article? She was not identified. An internal monologue with another you?
I’ve always been interested in group dynamics and identification. Not as much with sexual issues but involving age and ‘isolation’ (campus,etc). Reading your post flashed images of that to me. This Blackberry sucks. I also would like to continue this a bit more.
Did you actually go to that anti-porn event? You hinted about it in the. podcast. Oh and thanks for the German thing. It’s the attention to costuming detail that made it special.