And this time… it’s PERSONAL!!!
*Drum solo*In the past month or so, I’ve hit some huge emotional walls. Some of which were broken through, others are made of absolute steel. Art needs from me the passion and madness that was evident in work I’ve created in the past. WALL. Sex work… needs me to have a life. WALL! My writing needs me to do this too. WALL! Although I’ve been able to slip away from my cave to hang out with friends, at the end of the night I need to get laid!
Not only do I need to get laid, but I also need a partner, a mate. Here is where I want to insert the disclaimer that I’m not seeking something monogamous right now. I just need someone to respond to, a catalyst.
Yes, I know, I’ve bashed internet dating before. But, Craig’s List is not an internet dating site. I consider this magical mystery resource to be, in fact, much worse. Or maybe better, depending on your perspective. The entire site nor the personal ads are packaged to make me believe that I will, indeed, find love… or sex, or whatever I’m looking for. In fact, literally anyone can search for what they want, define what kind of relationship they need, and still receive enough responses to warrant some hope.
I wrote a whole shpeel. But, really the choice comments are the following:
Despite what I’ve written, I’ll probably come off as very pretty and very quiet… because I’m shy
so it will take you some time to get to know me.
I’m glad I put that out there. I think if I could’ve found the right way to say it, I would have instead written that I’m an infamous tease. I will want to fuck you right away; but the skeptic in me continues to prolong the inevitable touch and kiss, as she sits just inches away with a shot rifle and a mean sneer. It’s literally like I’m the Farmer’s daughter and the Farmer in one body.
You don’t have to be someone that you think you should be for me because this isn’t going to be a date. If you’re genuinely someone who isn’t good at the whole girlfriend idea but would just like a lady you can go to bed with, feel intimate with, then I might be the one for you. Think of me as a girl__friend without the monogamy or commitment and all of that. Makes sense?
Although I’m seeking some strong sexual involvement, I was rather afraid that guys would interpret this as purely physical, which is why I add the girl__friend. I honestly don’t think I’m boring enough to have a purely physical relationship, without want of knowing that this potential other is, well, likable. Anyway, my point was that I’ve never been a proper girlfriend long enough to really understand it. Not like it’s rocket science, I just don’t understand how to go on a date and see the guy in front of me as the one*. Mainly my thoughts are I want food. I want to fuck him. His nose is big. Where are my keys? What is this feeling now? What he said was funny. That helps. You see? I mean, I have more thoughts obviously. And usually the other ideas about relationships (ex. marriage, babies) don’t actually happen until the sex.**
Then, I chose this picture.
I wanted to remain anonymous both in the ad and in the picture because it’s easy for people to find out who I am anyway. I don’t want guys to contact me just because I write about sex work, nor do I need any judgments made about me before my inquirer and I meet face to face. Also, I know, know, know that any guy I meet will come across my sex work like a bad hiccup – it’s just how the world turns. And it’s usually the most frustrating part of the “dating” experience for me. But, I try my best.
The image is kind of low-quality because I want to not only look better, but I want to look like a real person when I meet this guy in person.
I’ve gotten many responses AND have already met one person from the list! But, ugh, look at the time. Wow, really have to get on with my day. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.
PS. Told you I was a tease
*I’m going to eat my words. You’ll see.
**I’ll also explain later.
And… The tale continues with?
[...] but shit has history proven wrong… Bob knew I liked him very much. I made that clear. In fact, I get it out the way. Us kids these days try to play it so cool, try [...]